Now that I’m seated in my hotel room thinking about what to write. I don’t want to tell you about my trip today. I want to write about people, thoughts and mental like what I like to write a lot.
And it suddenly become clear to me that I’ve got that one thing I’ve planted this late afternoon when I walked the long path of Albert’s park.
Albert’s park has a huge lake in the middle. And it has a track about 3 to 4 km around it. I didn’t know that so I walked around it like a fool in a jeans and a hoody.
I put on my iPod and played the playlist full of sad songs. There are songs like “when I was little” and “let me be me”. Song about self discovery and being yourself. Asking about what I am and what I will be.
I’ve always wanted to travel the world. Stay in one place for a year or two and then move to the next country. But walking in that park today make me feels like an alien. Most people there were white, and they were jogging, sun bathing, walking their dog, BBQ-ing. While me, a tall Chinese guy with a camera and a backpack was sight seeing in the park. I felt rejected and I think that people think that I’m just another stupid tourist.
Then I thought about moving around every 2 years and starting over again and the new people will think that I’m crazy again. Being like a totally different thing trying to blend in into another society. Like a potato trying to become a carrot. The barrier that split what I am from what I want to be is just impossible to break.
What remain now is what I was and what I will always be. There are things that we can’t change. We can’t transform a strawberry to a watermelon. We can’t change from what we are to what we want to be. And that if called reality.