The tension in the team has built up so much that it almost feels like the whole world is exploding in front of my eyes. Well, at least that’s how I was feeling at work just a couple of days before.
There were this unspoken war between the members, the World War I of my little world, which involves everybody against everybody, and it felted horribly awful.
There is a problem that is growing, but everybody is being so polite and nice to each other that nobody was being straight forward to present the problem. At least none that I was knowing. The managements are doing this sudden change of strategy in which every single movements of us are monitored and we are constantly reminded that we need to meet the deadline, so finish this task A now and I’ve got task B, C and D ready for your sorry asses, in the most polite way possible. While the team members remained calm, cheerful and playfully happy on the face but feeling like a big chunk of cold icy stone had just been dropped from Mt. Everest inside of us. Nobody were happy.
Then comes a time for me to have a weekly chat with my manager where we pretended that there were no problem at all and that I’m very happy with whatever is going on right now. But I was prepared with a list of items that I wanted him to know, that I don’t like the way they are fixing the problem, that it’s making thing worst, and OMG please tell it to my face what is the problem! Well, not in that manner, of course. We are professionals; hiding some details here and there, being careful not to say some wrong words and phrases like we are lazy or I hate People A so much I wanted to kill him. But all my points were made. But I’m not sure how he’s handling it and I could feel stress was building up in him.
For me, I realized then how much stress something like that had cost me. That by keeping something to ourselves to avoid hurting somebody is kind of a many edged sword, it ‘s going to hurt everybody. But when that sword is lifted up, suddenly I feel happy about everything. I was really cheerful and relaxed. It was fun. “It will be a better day ahead” I thought to may.
What could be going wrong? probably the managements talked about it and decided that I’m just being irrational about certain thing I’d spoken and totally skip the other points that are more important than that. Or probably worse, they might fire me next week. But what I can tell you now is that it’s not done yet. Confrontation is just a beginning step. The days ahead will be harder. The truths are spoken out and it’s my job as the speaker to keep what I’ve said as truthful and useful. And it’s not going to be easy.
Another weird thing I feel is that after that tensed up confrontation moment, everything seems to be back to normal as if nothing has happen. It scared me because I’m worried that the problem is not fixed but we are all still pretending. The problem might one day erupted and bring everybody down the hill. And I’m afraid of that to happen.
Then I will Hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst.
Have a nice weekend.