It was that strange feeling of being on a ship. It was even stranger when I was on a ship carrying such a sorrow on my shoulder. Though it had had nothing to do directly to me, it was that unexplained phenomenal that happen when something bad happened to your friend. Especially in the case of death.
I was not quite sure how was Sean feeling on that ship. He didn’t talk about his mom a lot though he occasionally display discomfort when we mentioned about his mother in our conversations. Being away from home most of the time and not liking to visit back, I was really not sure how he was taking the news of his mother passing.
I don’t like being on a ship. Any sea transportation in general. Hating the idea of floating unstably constantly, sometimes for hours. I’d heard stories from the oldies about being on a ship for months. I would have probably died from seasickness on the first week.
But probably I’m just overreacting. I look over the open window and feel the strong breeze over my face. It’s cold but feels great. Birds were flying around but none of them ever stop on the ship. I bet they didn’t know they can save some energy by riding on a moving object on the sea. Or maybe they were not going to the same destination.
I realized that I’ve been thinking to myself too much that I’ve forgotten about Sean. He had been quieter than usual. I looked at him and gave him a weak smile. He gave a weak smile back, looking tired.
“How are you feeling?” I asked.
“I’m alright” replied Sean, ending with a short sigh.
I was silent, wasn’t sure what to say. But he continued “I’ve been preparing my whole life for this moment. Caring less, loving less, knowing less, hoping that when she’s gone, it won’t hurt as much. But when it really happen” he paused “it still feels horrible”
I wrapped my left arm around his shoulder and gave him some small pats. He then lean his head on my shoulder. I didn’t look at his eyes but I bet they were red from holding the tears that are about to burst out.
A bird flew by and perched on the window. The wind was so strong that it had to keep adjusting to stay on board. I must be the bird that had switched on Sean’s tear glands because he’s now sobbing. I laid my hand on his head, stroking his head, calming him down a little. I couldn’t think of any word to say.