I saw my past passed through the window.

i’m at Starbucks right now and I’m seated quite far from any window. But I have the window to my soul opened up and I’m seated just right next to it.

So I glanced through this window and I saw the future, the future that I’m excited about, the future that I want to talk about. But none of this make sense because it might or might not happen. So I glanced to the other side, to the past. I saw my past replayed in front of me. Every single memory that pushed me to where I am now, and all the others that are pushing me to keep moving, and to fight for the future that I wish I have.

But they aren’t pleasant memories. There are hatreds, pains, and regrets. There are chains and unfortunate coincidences that bound me to where I am now, that keep telling me that I should not go anywhere but here, my duty as a human being is to stay, to serve the bigger purpose that I am born into, that I am created for.

In the other hand, these memories push the rebellious part of me to fight for freedom. Though I’m afraid, useless and unworthy because the whole world seems to be against me, I’m willing to take my chance in screaming the hell out of my breath in the middle of nowhere wishing that somebody for some insane coincident will hear my voice and raise me up to the altar of dreams.

Suddenly the future flashed by again and all the guilts came back to me. It reminded me that I will be that cruel heartless human being that abandoned everything to pursue the selfish happiness. The guy who cares nothing else but himself. The one man that left his duty as a son. The betrayer of trust, the cold hearted man.

So what? I will be happy by then. Though I know that kind of happiness is temporary, I’m willing to pursue that. Though it will only last for a short time of my existence, I’m willing to be that jerk and fulfil my humanly dream. Because that’s what life is, to pursue that temporary little joys over and over again until Death find us. Then, there will be pure joy, and there will be nothingness, there will be no pain left to suffer.

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